I Have a Dream
信阳市第三职业高级中学三（3）班 孙鹏丽
Almost every student has a colorful dream , so do I .I want to be a wealth① women .
Perhaps you will be surprised at my dream . I want to explain something about it .
My hometown it so poor that many young people have to leave home to make a living in big cities , leaving their children alone at home . That is not good to them . For lack of their parents’ take care② , some of them become shy and awkward③,and some even become criminals .
Therefore , if I can become a successful woman , I will set up my own company and many factories in my hometown . Then our villagers can get a job and steady income. At that time , they can live a happy life with their families , and avoid leaving home and the divide④ from their children . If that’s the case , my hometown will become beautiful and prosperous .
As far as I’m concerned , only having a dream is not enough , in order to realize my dream , I will be sure to seize every minute to study hard to make a good base to enter the society , for my dream , for my hometown and for my motherland .
点评：
1﹑妙语锦囊: be surprised at ...对„„感到意外； so...that...如此„„以致„„ ；make a living谟生；leave ...alone把某人独自留下；set up建立；live a happy life过幸福的生活；in order to...为了„„；make a good base打好基础。
2、 亮点展示：文章的篇幅不长，却给人以跌宕起伏之感。这是因为小作者对文章的结构进行了精心的设计，并铺以关键性的过渡词。如：perhaps you...或许你会„„；therefore因此；if that’s the case如果那样的话；as far as I’m concerned就我而言。
3、不足之处：①wealth是名词，应换成形容词wealthy。②take care是短语动词，应将take去掉，保留名词care。③此处应是误用：awkward是指“笨拙，不熟练”，作者想表达的应该是“害羞胆小”所以用cowardly。④divide作名词时，不是“分离”，而是“分水岭”的意思，故应换成separation。
4、总 结：“文章情真”，小作者以细腻的笔调写出了自己对梦想的追求。对文章的结构，小作者也进行了精心的安排，给人以跌宕起伏之感。更为可贵的是：小作者能从身边所观察到的现象引出了“留守儿童”这一敏感话题，叫人深思。作为一篇课堂命题作文，小作者能在有限的时间里写出这样的文章，实属难得。
指导教师：刘凤
I Have a Dream
信阳市第三职业高级中学三（3）班 孙鹏丽
Almost every student has a colorful dream , so do I .I want to be a wealth① women .
Perhaps you will be surprised at my dream . I want to explain something about it .
My hometown it so poor that many young people have to leave home to make a living in big cities , leaving their children alone at home . That is not good to them . For lack of their parents’ take care② , some of them become shy and awkward③,and some even become criminals .
Therefore , if I can become a successful woman , I will set up my own company and many factories in my hometown . Then our villagers can get a job and steady income. At that time , they can live a happy life with their families , and avoid leaving home and the divide④ from their children . If that’s the case , my hometown will become beautiful and prosperous .
As far as I’m concerned , only having a dream is not enough , in order to realize my dream , I will be sure to seize every minute to study hard to make a good base to enter the society , for my dream , for my hometown and for my motherland .
点评：
1﹑妙语锦囊: be surprised at ...对„„感到意外； so...that...如此„„以致„„ ；make a living谟生；leave ...alone把某人独自留下；set up建立；live a happy life过幸福的生活；in order to...为了„„；make a good base打好基础。
2、 亮点展示：文章的篇幅不长，却给人以跌宕起伏之感。这是因为小作者对文章的结构进行了精心的设计，并铺以关键性的过渡词。如：perhaps you...或许你会„„；therefore因此；if that’s the case如果那样的话；as far as I’m concerned就我而言。
3、不足之处：①wealth是名词，应换成形容词wealthy。②take care是短语动词，应将take去掉，保留名词care。③此处应是误用：awkward是指“笨拙，不熟练”，作者想表达的应该是“害羞胆小”所以用cowardly。④divide作名词时，不是“分离”，而是“分水岭”的意思，故应换成separation。
4、总 结：“文章情真”，小作者以细腻的笔调写出了自己对梦想的追求。对文章的结构，小作者也进行了精心的安排，给人以跌宕起伏之感。更为可贵的是：小作者能从身边所观察到的现象引出了“留守儿童”这一敏感话题，叫人深思。作为一篇课堂命题作文，小作者能在有限的时间里写出这样的文章，实属难得。
指导教师：刘凤