荆珂刺秦王 The Emperor and the Assassin
Cast
太子丹：吴丽莹
荆轲： 刘滢
西门吹雪；秦王：王希茜
妖艳女子：闫达（反串）
阿三： 李国栋
大臣甲：骆嘉莉
大臣乙：徐慧如
旁白：
Script
旁白：It was war periods, the war among different countries seemed endless. All the kings and ministers tried to find some supermen to work for them——to be the killing tools for their political purposes. As time goes by, it has become a fashion to feed some killers at home…… This is a crazy world. In this crazy world, there are a bunch of crazy people, trying to show the crazy history in a crazy way.
Scene 1：Conspiracy (密谋)
太子丹（上，叹气）：Ying Zheng, that bastard, treats me even worse than before. Resorting to lots of people in his hand, he never cares about me ---the most sensible prince under the sun (纠结状). Recently, he has robbed much more cities from my hands. How can I survive if such things ever happen again(急) 。 Nonononono, I must think out a good idea. I must make him know who I am. (向幕里大叫)Where is my minister?
(大臣阿三上)OH MY LORD~
丹：Tell me what I shall do now?
阿三: DO NOT PANIC! Let me see!（盘坐在地。两手在头上画画如一休）（Music ：一休哥）（阿三起）Ok, I got one, we can sent a hero to put Ying Zheng to~~~（作杀状）Then, all the beauties, jewelries and cities of Qing are ours~~~ （淫笑）太子与阿三作流口水状.
太子：Ha, ha~~~. Bravo，Bravo! But who do you think we should send?
阿三：(响指！)Xi Men Chui Xue .He is traveling around our country these days. We can’t lose the chance. We must summon him quickly.
太子：Well, go and DO IT!.
Scene 2：Tournament (比武)
西门吹雪（上台，摆出一幅酷式，手一张，折扇）
荆轲（抖嗦而上）站在一边，不敢出大气。
旁白：Competition begins NOW.
（Music: 来回状，最后恰恰）
荆轲（带剑冲向西门吹雪，半途停住）Are you really Xi Men Chui Xue? 西门吹雪：Just come on.
荆轲：（又冲，停在西门吹雪面前）Are you 100% sure you are really the Xi Men Chui Xue in the legendary?
西门吹雪：（不耐烦）BASTARD! How dare you even doubt my identity?
荆轲（环视四周见无一人，便跪在西门吹雪面前，大哭）My hero, my admiration for you is just like the mighty river, ENDLESS.！(掏手绢拭泪)I have eighty-year-old mother up, three-year-old boy down. Please please don’t kill me. I beg YOU!
西门吹雪（大怒）I thought Jingke is a hero. But you beg for your life. How can I forgive you? Give me your life. (举剑刺向荆轲，忽然，捂住自己的肚子，自语) Maybe I ate too much this morning, Maybe there is something wrong with the rice. (抬头) where is the toilet?
荆轲：T-o-i-l-e-t-?
西门吹雪：WC.
荆轲：W-C-?
西门吹雪：（急）茅厕！！Are you satisfied to hear such a rude word?
荆轲：OK ，ok. Turn left, left and left.
西门吹雪下。
荆轲拾起西门吹雪的剑，，仰天长啸。
太子丹与阿三上，看见荆轲，大吃一惊，太子丹给阿三一个眼色，阿三会意。走至荆轲前。
阿三: What’s your name, please? Hero.
荆轲不屑一顾。太子丹（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name, please?
荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着：宁在花 下 死， 作 鬼 也 风 流。 Even dying under the flower, Also happy as a ghost. ——快活魔王荆轲是也 Happy prince of the gost
太子丹（抱拳）：How do you do
荆柯：How do you do.
荆柯突欲走，太子丹给阿三一个眼色。
阿三：WAIT ！HERO! We are in need, please help us out.
太子丹：You can have a large reward.
荆柯欲走又止。
太子丹(从衣兜里掏出一张卡片): Here is a card for traveling all over the world for free, please accept it please, hero.
荆柯正准备拿，但马上又止，转身又欲走太子丹（慌了）：I must summon my most gelivable weapon! Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Miss YAN!
(“大世界”响起, 有一妖艳女子走上（男扮女装），走到荆柯面前，给荆柯抛了一个眉眼)
荆柯两眼发直, 不断抽搐
太子丹与阿三（击掌）Yeah!
荆柯（站直，厉声道）：Great men are born to die for his motherland. What shall I do? Prince, just say it. But this lady……
太子丹：No problem.
Scene 3：Say goodbye in Yishui River(易水别)
荆珂挽着那女子，太子丹在后，阿三拿着地图.
阿三：We have already reached Yishui River.
荆珂：STOP. Goodbye.
太子丹：(拭泪) Hero, Let me see you off a little further
荆珂：BASTARD. If you walk a little further, then Go instead of me
太子丹：(立马收起手绢严肃状)Well then. Goodbye. Here is the map.
荆珂（接过, 抱拳。太子丹，阿三下。荆轲扔掉地图，荆珂猛抱住女子）：How can I express my feeling now? I don’t want to leave because I love you. Once I think I will kill Yingzheng . I can’t help rushing into W.C. you known. I don’t want to go. I don’t want to go.
妻子：Don’t PANIC. Do you still love me?
荆珂：Sure. I love you just like the mouse likes the rice. I love you more than my own life, more than my wife, more than the whole world. You are the one I first kissed, and I hope you will be the last one.
妻子：Well. If you are still loving me. Stand up like a real man. Don’t be fearful. I will be right here waiting for you. (MUSIC:此情可待)
响起荆珂上船，渐渐远去，
（歌落）妻子：Hey ！ You want to come back, use your pig head, if you come back, the assurance that I bought about you will be of no use. Go to HELL. Never come back. (下)
Scene 4：murdering (刺秦).
一大臣跑在前，一大臣紧随其后，跑了一圈，便上气不接下气。
大臣甲（掏出手机一看）：Damn it！I am late. The bonus of this month has been lost. 大臣乙：I am tired. I had been chatting on QQ until 1 o’ clock last night.
大臣乙（看了一下大臣甲）：Good. Good. Your skin is gorgeous.
大臣甲：I use “ Da Bao” everyday.
大臣乙：I have heart that the emperor of Yan offers us some brilliant things. Let’s go and have a look!
大臣甲：Come on
秦王上座，两个大臣各坐一边。
大臣甲：“Shall we begin？”
秦王:“begin”
大臣乙：“Let the people of Yan，Jingke come” 荆柯上。跪下，吓得直发抖。 秦王：“Jingke. What is the matter with you？”
荆柯：“Nothing. Nothing. It ’s just the the fleas on my body “.
秦王（不烦）：What’s the brilliant things, quickly！” 荆柯献图，图穷匕首见，荆柯举刀刺秦，(动作停滞，POSE 保持)
大臣甲喊道：“MY LORD, drink the milk quickly!”扔了一奶壶，秦王接住，咂了一下，顿时，力大无比，(MUSIC：大力水手) 立刻将荆柯打倒在地。 秦王:BASTARD, how dare you kill me?
荆柯:I'm sorry I'm wrong But the prince of Yan told me to。Please forgive me! 秦王：You shall never live again. What is your last words?
荆柯：My lovely lady，Once there was a truest love put before my eyes ,but I didn't cherish it. Only after losing it .I found myself regretting. No pains in the world comes near this, if God Could give me another chance, I would say to the girl “I love you! “If there had to be a limit of time before the end of love. I hope it would be ten thousand years.
秦王（吼道）：Slip him out!!
众人下后，秦王捧着奶壶自恋状（音乐响，秦王扭摆，音乐罢做广告）A bottle a day keeps doctor away, OH YEAH,,
Scene 5：Escape （逃跑）
二个大臣拖着荆柯上，（手脚以被绑）将荆柯扔到一边。二人气喘吁吁，甲搜身。大臣甲：Bloody hell. He has no money at all.
大臣乙：WHAT?? You must be kidding me! (搜出两支袜子，一大一小，小声说)Just a pair of socks.
大臣甲: What socks?
大臣乙: Nothing. Nothing. (回头小声)Too dangerous.
大臣甲: Take that OUT! 大臣乙极不情愿，拿出了一双大小不一的袜子甲看了看，比了比。将长的装进了自己兜里，短的扔给了乙。
大臣乙：(两人互看) Oh,no.It’s fair. （拉扯状）
荆柯（抬起头）：I will give you everything if you set me free.
两人：Really? Where? 荆柯指了指脚上的绳子。二卫兵会意，解开了绳子。 荆柯（站起来）：My brothers, I have a good idea. If you do it, you will never regret. 两人：Oh, please tell us!
荆柯:You can tie another person instead of me to put to death. Only the king recognizes me but he won’t know. So no one will find out the secret.
两人：Gorgeous(竖指) 荆柯去一边的树林里，拿出两袋钱，扔给二卫兵便大步而去。二卫兵正指着钱，忽西门吹雪挥剑怒上，欲找荆轲报仇。
两人（双目相视，大笑，同声）：Good!! 两人一把抓住西门吹雪，只往下拉， 西门吹雪：What have I done? I haven’t done anything wrong. Oh, no no!!! Have I committed any crime?
两人（异口同声）： Maybe. 大笑. (Yesterday once more 起) ------------落幕------------
荆珂刺秦王 The Emperor and the Assassin
Cast
太子丹：吴丽莹
荆轲： 刘滢
西门吹雪；秦王：王希茜
妖艳女子：闫达（反串）
阿三： 李国栋
大臣甲：骆嘉莉
大臣乙：徐慧如
旁白：
Script
旁白：It was war periods, the war among different countries seemed endless. All the kings and ministers tried to find some supermen to work for them——to be the killing tools for their political purposes. As time goes by, it has become a fashion to feed some killers at home…… This is a crazy world. In this crazy world, there are a bunch of crazy people, trying to show the crazy history in a crazy way.
Scene 1：Conspiracy (密谋)
太子丹（上，叹气）：Ying Zheng, that bastard, treats me even worse than before. Resorting to lots of people in his hand, he never cares about me ---the most sensible prince under the sun (纠结状). Recently, he has robbed much more cities from my hands. How can I survive if such things ever happen again(急) 。 Nonononono, I must think out a good idea. I must make him know who I am. (向幕里大叫)Where is my minister?
(大臣阿三上)OH MY LORD~
丹：Tell me what I shall do now?
阿三: DO NOT PANIC! Let me see!（盘坐在地。两手在头上画画如一休）（Music ：一休哥）（阿三起）Ok, I got one, we can sent a hero to put Ying Zheng to~~~（作杀状）Then, all the beauties, jewelries and cities of Qing are ours~~~ （淫笑）太子与阿三作流口水状.
太子：Ha, ha~~~. Bravo，Bravo! But who do you think we should send?
阿三：(响指！)Xi Men Chui Xue .He is traveling around our country these days. We can’t lose the chance. We must summon him quickly.
太子：Well, go and DO IT!.
Scene 2：Tournament (比武)
西门吹雪（上台，摆出一幅酷式，手一张，折扇）
荆轲（抖嗦而上）站在一边，不敢出大气。
旁白：Competition begins NOW.
（Music: 来回状，最后恰恰）
荆轲（带剑冲向西门吹雪，半途停住）Are you really Xi Men Chui Xue? 西门吹雪：Just come on.
荆轲：（又冲，停在西门吹雪面前）Are you 100% sure you are really the Xi Men Chui Xue in the legendary?
西门吹雪：（不耐烦）BASTARD! How dare you even doubt my identity?
荆轲（环视四周见无一人，便跪在西门吹雪面前，大哭）My hero, my admiration for you is just like the mighty river, ENDLESS.！(掏手绢拭泪)I have eighty-year-old mother up, three-year-old boy down. Please please don’t kill me. I beg YOU!
西门吹雪（大怒）I thought Jingke is a hero. But you beg for your life. How can I forgive you? Give me your life. (举剑刺向荆轲，忽然，捂住自己的肚子，自语) Maybe I ate too much this morning, Maybe there is something wrong with the rice. (抬头) where is the toilet?
荆轲：T-o-i-l-e-t-?
西门吹雪：WC.
荆轲：W-C-?
西门吹雪：（急）茅厕！！Are you satisfied to hear such a rude word?
荆轲：OK ，ok. Turn left, left and left.
西门吹雪下。
荆轲拾起西门吹雪的剑，，仰天长啸。
太子丹与阿三上，看见荆轲，大吃一惊，太子丹给阿三一个眼色，阿三会意。走至荆轲前。
阿三: What’s your name, please? Hero.
荆轲不屑一顾。太子丹（毕恭毕敬）May I have your name, please?
荆轲从兜里掏出一卷纸，上面写着：宁在花 下 死， 作 鬼 也 风 流。 Even dying under the flower, Also happy as a ghost. ——快活魔王荆轲是也 Happy prince of the gost
太子丹（抱拳）：How do you do
荆柯：How do you do.
荆柯突欲走，太子丹给阿三一个眼色。
阿三：WAIT ！HERO! We are in need, please help us out.
太子丹：You can have a large reward.
荆柯欲走又止。
太子丹(从衣兜里掏出一张卡片): Here is a card for traveling all over the world for free, please accept it please, hero.
荆柯正准备拿，但马上又止，转身又欲走太子丹（慌了）：I must summon my most gelivable weapon! Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Miss YAN!
(“大世界”响起, 有一妖艳女子走上（男扮女装），走到荆柯面前，给荆柯抛了一个眉眼)
荆柯两眼发直, 不断抽搐
太子丹与阿三（击掌）Yeah!
荆柯（站直，厉声道）：Great men are born to die for his motherland. What shall I do? Prince, just say it. But this lady……
太子丹：No problem.
Scene 3：Say goodbye in Yishui River(易水别)
荆珂挽着那女子，太子丹在后，阿三拿着地图.
阿三：We have already reached Yishui River.
荆珂：STOP. Goodbye.
太子丹：(拭泪) Hero, Let me see you off a little further
荆珂：BASTARD. If you walk a little further, then Go instead of me
太子丹：(立马收起手绢严肃状)Well then. Goodbye. Here is the map.
荆珂（接过, 抱拳。太子丹，阿三下。荆轲扔掉地图，荆珂猛抱住女子）：How can I express my feeling now? I don’t want to leave because I love you. Once I think I will kill Yingzheng . I can’t help rushing into W.C. you known. I don’t want to go. I don’t want to go.
妻子：Don’t PANIC. Do you still love me?
荆珂：Sure. I love you just like the mouse likes the rice. I love you more than my own life, more than my wife, more than the whole world. You are the one I first kissed, and I hope you will be the last one.
妻子：Well. If you are still loving me. Stand up like a real man. Don’t be fearful. I will be right here waiting for you. (MUSIC:此情可待)
响起荆珂上船，渐渐远去，
（歌落）妻子：Hey ！ You want to come back, use your pig head, if you come back, the assurance that I bought about you will be of no use. Go to HELL. Never come back. (下)
Scene 4：murdering (刺秦).
一大臣跑在前，一大臣紧随其后，跑了一圈，便上气不接下气。
大臣甲（掏出手机一看）：Damn it！I am late. The bonus of this month has been lost. 大臣乙：I am tired. I had been chatting on QQ until 1 o’ clock last night.
大臣乙（看了一下大臣甲）：Good. Good. Your skin is gorgeous.
大臣甲：I use “ Da Bao” everyday.
大臣乙：I have heart that the emperor of Yan offers us some brilliant things. Let’s go and have a look!
大臣甲：Come on
秦王上座，两个大臣各坐一边。
大臣甲：“Shall we begin？”
秦王:“begin”
大臣乙：“Let the people of Yan，Jingke come” 荆柯上。跪下，吓得直发抖。 秦王：“Jingke. What is the matter with you？”
荆柯：“Nothing. Nothing. It ’s just the the fleas on my body “.
秦王（不烦）：What’s the brilliant things, quickly！” 荆柯献图，图穷匕首见，荆柯举刀刺秦，(动作停滞，POSE 保持)
大臣甲喊道：“MY LORD, drink the milk quickly!”扔了一奶壶，秦王接住，咂了一下，顿时，力大无比，(MUSIC：大力水手) 立刻将荆柯打倒在地。 秦王:BASTARD, how dare you kill me?
荆柯:I'm sorry I'm wrong But the prince of Yan told me to。Please forgive me! 秦王：You shall never live again. What is your last words?
荆柯：My lovely lady，Once there was a truest love put before my eyes ,but I didn't cherish it. Only after losing it .I found myself regretting. No pains in the world comes near this, if God Could give me another chance, I would say to the girl “I love you! “If there had to be a limit of time before the end of love. I hope it would be ten thousand years.
秦王（吼道）：Slip him out!!
众人下后，秦王捧着奶壶自恋状（音乐响，秦王扭摆，音乐罢做广告）A bottle a day keeps doctor away, OH YEAH,,
Scene 5：Escape （逃跑）
二个大臣拖着荆柯上，（手脚以被绑）将荆柯扔到一边。二人气喘吁吁，甲搜身。大臣甲：Bloody hell. He has no money at all.
大臣乙：WHAT?? You must be kidding me! (搜出两支袜子，一大一小，小声说)Just a pair of socks.
大臣甲: What socks?
大臣乙: Nothing. Nothing. (回头小声)Too dangerous.
大臣甲: Take that OUT! 大臣乙极不情愿，拿出了一双大小不一的袜子甲看了看，比了比。将长的装进了自己兜里，短的扔给了乙。
大臣乙：(两人互看) Oh,no.It’s fair. （拉扯状）
荆柯（抬起头）：I will give you everything if you set me free.
两人：Really? Where? 荆柯指了指脚上的绳子。二卫兵会意，解开了绳子。 荆柯（站起来）：My brothers, I have a good idea. If you do it, you will never regret. 两人：Oh, please tell us!
荆柯:You can tie another person instead of me to put to death. Only the king recognizes me but he won’t know. So no one will find out the secret.
两人：Gorgeous(竖指) 荆柯去一边的树林里，拿出两袋钱，扔给二卫兵便大步而去。二卫兵正指着钱，忽西门吹雪挥剑怒上，欲找荆轲报仇。
两人（双目相视，大笑，同声）：Good!! 两人一把抓住西门吹雪，只往下拉， 西门吹雪：What have I done? I haven’t done anything wrong. Oh, no no!!! Have I committed any crime?
两人（异口同声）： Maybe. 大笑. (Yesterday once more 起) ------------落幕------------